Pondering my purpose
The whirlwind-
It can be so easy to get caught up in it, to even become completely swept away by it sometimes. At the end of last year I made some huge and unexpected changes to my career and my life. It’s been a lot to process and I tried my hardest to just forge forward. I think maybe I needed stillness for a little while. The truth is, that at the point when I made that announcement, I had an idea of what I wanted to be doing with my time instead of working behind the chair, but no real-solid plan. I’ve pretty much always been a hairdresser. It’s been my livelihood and my passion, and Maxwell Salon is my greatest accomplishment (so far). However, it’s also been my ball and chain in some ways. Being a small business owner is A TON of responsibility. Combined with the life changes I was dealing with, I was destroying myself in the name of “making it work”. By the time I made the decision to make a change I had been burnt out, struggling and spinning in place for such a long time that I’d kind of lost my direction and forgotten about all of the things I used to love about being a stylist. The day-to-day ‘fires’ of being a small business owner became the full time job and I found that, instead of showing up for my clients, I was showing up because of my clients. I hated feeling that way. I’ve always promised myself I’d never become that bitter old hairdresser/salon owner and suddenly I could see her looking back at me in the mirror. My clients are so amazing and loyal, they deserve better than a stylist who can’t be on time or fully present for their appointments. I had to do something and I had to do it before I completely lost my love for the one thing i’ve always loved more than almost anything else- the beauty industry. The great thing about being the creative, hustlin’-ass entrepreneur that I am is that I have ideas literally all the time. I’m so fortunate because I also have the drive, team and ability to bring those ideas to life. I know I say it all the time but it’s just true; Maxwell Salon is so much more than a salon, its a special place where people can grow into their truest, best, happiest, most creative selves. So why shouldn’t I give that gift to myself too? I’ve always been a ‘jump and fall’ type I guess, it’s the jolt that knocks me out of my head and back to earth. Recently, I took the big jump and i’ve been navigating the free fall. It feels different this time though. I think instead of just building a parachute and landing safely in the same place that I started, now is the time for me to build a jet pack. The thing is, I’ve never built a jet pack before and truly… i’m scared to go higher. It’s out of character for me to be this stalled, scared and hesitant. I guess that’s one of that backwards gifts you receive after life’s traumas. Painful experiences change our behavior and make us play safe sometimes don’t they? There are just so many things I’ve been wanting to do, and putting to the side, while I took care of the big responsibilities required as the sole owner and operator of Maxwell salon. I’m showing up here today, feeling very vulnerable, to ask my community for support in exploring those ideas. Read on to find out how you can help me build the jet pack.
March 2020 was a wakeup call for me. I knew I had been putting all my eggs in one basket, but i’d always believed that basket to be a safe bet. I’d always been told that salons are “recession-proof”… When that basket disappeared suddenly and without warning, I was shocked and terrified. It kind of knocked me into a free-fall that i’m not certain I was ready for, but surely needed in order to find my way back to what’s really important to me; community. I’ve always had a lot to learn in my entrepreneurial journey and i’ve been pretty upfront about that with everyone I work with. I know it sounds hella corny but i’ve always believed (and still do), in the power of collaboration. Team-work makes the dreamwork. To some, that might just be a thing to say but i’ve really never been one to just say things. I’ve always been ALL IN on teamwork and loving on your local community. I really went through some shit. I retreated inward and I almost let it make me bitter and steer me away from the goal which was always to bring likeminded creatives together, for the greater good of all of us. I’ve got stories… man do I have stories, they taught me everything I know.
“So what’s the point Alicia?”
The point is that i’m a different person now than I was when I began my career, when I opened my business and when I almost lost my business. Only a handful of people really know that person because I’ve been keeping her hidden. I’ve been scared to share myself because I’ve been completely convinced that either i’ll be ridiculed or the silence will be deafeningly hurtful. The freedom that comes from almost losing it all and then bouncing back in private is that I don’t care anymore if people want to ridicule me. I know who I am and I’m pretty fuckin’ rad. If you’re here just to make fun of me, that really says a lot more about you than it does about me (get a life bruh).
I know i’m not the only one who sits around pondering my purpose in life (I see you relentless 2am self-reflectors). It’s life’s constant question right? “What am I even doing here?” It’s easy to make up almost any story you want for yourself, and your actions in life will inevitably end up reflecting that narrative. I usually give myself the narrative that no one really cares or wants to hear about what I have to say, or what i’ve done/learned in life… but I think that might be a lie. Every time I show up here in this blog, I see a little surge of people who seem to be recognizing and relating to my experiences and viewpoints. I believe I can make this big, beautiful, complicated thing I’m building work, if I just clear out the noise and keep at it. I think part of this journey is telling my stories and sharing the knowledge i’ve gained in ways that will help people live their best lives. It means more to me than you could possibly know when people show up here to check in and see what I’ve got going on. This is my continued connection to my clients and the beauty industry while I diligently work to build the dream for myself and my team. So the first way you can help me out is just by subscribing and whenever you feel compelled, show up here in the comments section for conversations about life. Honestly, even just a “hell yeah, dude” let’s me know you’re here and you care.
I have things to share. The beauty and self-care knowledge I’ve gained through living as fully immersed pioneer in Kitsap’s professional beauty industry has been invaluable to me; specifically while locked down in the house for 4 months during quarantine ( it will be for you too, stay tuned for more Beauty Besties). The Real Talk shit I’ve had to deal with makes me who I am today and continues to form parts of my personality as I grow; It will always be raw, real and authentic learning and healing from some pretty icky stuff. I’ve been a bougie bitch, a broke-ass bitch, a jaded bitch and ended up landing in a really healthy/happy place right in the middle. Guarded but authentic. A bad bitch and a good person. After 16 years of busting my balls behind the chair and as a busy boss lady, what I really want to do now is foster healthy habits and create things that really matter to me. The job i’m giving myself now is to learn to better love & care for myself and my people, to grow my salon team and continue to bring our ideas and talents to full fruition, to connect with my Kitsap community, to tell my stories and to Dogmom so hard with my favorite Labradors for the rest of their golden years. Is that really so much to ask? Honestly, I don’t even care if it is- I’m doing it.
In my heart I believe that something in these stories could spark change, maybe without me ever knowing it, so i’m gonna keep at it. My new journey into Kitsap’s creative art scene as a photographer and blogger terrifies me, but I’m finding my people here and i’m ready to jump in. It’s my intention to keep sharing things with you in the best way I know how: through my first hand, real-life experiences with the people and places of Kitsap. Keep tuning in to get to know all kinds of cool people, perspectives, places and ideas. I’ve got big plans and solid co-collaborators and we’re really diving in this year!
Last year I took on way too much all at once and it got really crazy and complicated. To be honest, it was embarrassing and I wanted to quit the game a million times just to escape the constant pressure. Quitting has just never really been my style. In 2021 I am one year wiser. I’ve finally succeeded in simplifying the way the salon runs and I have the help and collaboration of an amazing team. StylistAlicia.com and MaxwellSalonSilverdale.com are finally (almost) ready to fill your online beauty, wellness and gift-giving needs locally.
I believe that when you love on your community, your community naturally loves on you back. My community is growing and shifting to this online forum and I would love for you to be a part of it.
Speaking of community, I’d really like to tell you about a really special project we’ve been hard at work to bring to life.